Have you ever considered how some adults become the way they are?
As a very reflective person and as I go deeper into my life coaching journey I have different things come up for me. Today it was about raising children and our parenting. I heard something that really stood out for me because it is something I consider ALL THE TIME
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We are not raising children we are raising Adults
Do you get that?
Seriously, think about it……
I know our little ones are kids now but they are not growing up to be kids, they are growing up to be adults!
Are we raising them to be healthy independent functional adults. I know being a parent is hard. Believe me when I say I have had to grow so much within myself since becoming a mother and I have been stretched to my limits and beyond – multiple times. Sometimes I have really sucked at the whole parenting thing.
- I have reacted instead of responded
- I have had a meltdown because he was having a meltdown and I didn’t know how to handle it
- I have behaved in ways I wished I didn’t
BUT I have listened to myself at night when that little whisper inside of me said ‘It’s OK, tomorrow is a new day’ and I have learned how I don’t want to do things. So next time I have tried something different.
The first few years of being a parent can be tough. I’m hoping I’m not standing out here all on my own. I’m hoping some of this is confirmation to you too that it’s OK your doing the best that you can.
But how do I deal with the stress of raising an adult
Truthfully I have NO idea what I’m doing as a parent, and it will be years before I know whether I did a good enough job or not. Meaning when my job is done, only then will I know. So it’s a tough gig.
I’m very mindful in the way that I treat my child and the way I speak to him. I am aware that the way I speak to him can become the way he speaks to himself. So if he makes a mistake we talk about it once the time is right and he has calmed down if he became upset. By letting him know that the behavior was bad but that doesn’t mean HE is bad, I try to get the reason for the behavior by asking questions, For example after a major tantrum the other night when it was time to get ready for bed after he had a chance to calm down I went in to his bedroom and sat with him and said something like
Q.I know your feeling angry and upset, but we were having fun and then when time was up what happened? What made you get so angry?
Sometimes I get answers sometimes I get told to stop talking
Usually I get an answer and we keep going with a few questions to get this issue resolved. I have always tried to parent with respect, I’m human and don’t do this 100% of the time. Previously I used to ask too many questions and found I didn’t ask effective questions to get proper answers but through reading and educating myself I have learned a lot.
It’s all about trial and error.
We learn from our mistakes and we get feedback from our kids through their reaction and behavior. I laughed the other day when talking to a mum friend about our different parenting styles. I think I developed mine from “Full House” I loved watching that show as a kid, that was the best way I could sum it up. PS: Fuller House is just as good
I would love to hear your opinion on this, how do you parent and what struggles do you have?
Our kids are changing so quickly there is always a new stage popping up.